Abbi’s Top 15 Commander Cards For People Who Secretly Hate Their Friends

Abbi Marie |  23rd July 2018

For anyone who loves Commander, I know that means you LOVE commander. You don’t dabble. You can’t dabble! It’s all or nothing and probably my favourite format to brew. So for your brewing, here are 15 of the funniest (And most importantly awkward) cards you could have in your deck.

If your opponents aren’t groaning at you every turn, I mean what’s the point?

So without further ado, I give to you…






$3.99 SCG


Bitchy move? Maybe. You may also have to single someone out…. it’s on them if they’re playing mono colour, I mean, come on!





$59.99 SCG


I know it’s only a one off, but something for the Green players. Does it win you the game? No, still funny though.






$5.99 SCG


What do Blue players like more than just making things plain awkward? Not a lot.


Dimensional Breach

$0.49 SCG

Dimensional Breach

Commander can be quite slow as it is, I love it but even I’ll admit watching some players take 10 minutes for their turn when you’ve still got 3 more turns after till your next go….. just…. well I would hate you for dragging it out anymore.


Thieves’ Auction

$1.99 SCG

Thieves' Auction

Yea, this means lands too. You’re welcome.



$5.99 SCG


I mean, if it’s not end game by this point you’re not playing it right. Its a big staple commander card, but for anyone who doesn’t play it themselves, they certainly won’t appreciate you having it down. Can’t see why though ??


Dictate Of Erebos

$5.99 SCG

Dictate of Erebos

Like, it’s not a win con, but it’s just so damn annoying to play against why wouldn’t you want to put people through that inconvenience??


Confusion In The Ranks

$1.99 SCG

Confusion in the Ranks

That is a lovely Platinum Angel you have in play….. would be a shame if someone were to…. STEAL IT.


Forced Fruition

$9.99 SCG

Forced Fruition

This card is honestly fantastic because you get to sit and watch your friends go from ‘draw 7 cards this is great’ to ‘OMG make it stop’ in like 3 spells.


Havoc Festival

$0.49 SCG

Havoc Festival

Nothing like adding an un-welcome time bomb to the situation.


In The Eye Of Chaos

$99.99 SCG

In the Eye of Chaos



Possibility Storm

$0.49 SCG

Possibility Storm

An absolute must for anyone who just enjoys messing with peoples game play. No combos today thank you !


Storm Cauldron

$0.99 SCG

Storm Cauldron

People love it when you screw with their land, honest.


War’s Toll

$0.59 SCG

War's Toll

Just very rude and inconvenient to be honest. I love it,


Winter Orb

$6.99 SCG

Winter Orb

A truly spicy hate card.



Given 90% percent of these cards are Red or Blue, so sorry to break the news to you Mono Green players, you’re lacking the Jank!

But in all seriousness Blue and Red are the best for these idiotic types of cards that will have your friends seething. Obviously this is all my opinion, and there are WAY more than 15, but these are a few of my favourites that I think should be in every Commander deck.

I would love to hear what you think and any cards you think should’ve made the cut!

Or if you think I should do a top 15 on each colour!



WARNING: These are not win cons, in fact I would go as far to say they were lose cons. You will be targeted and probably the first to be killed off, but that’s a win in itself right?

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